Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
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I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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