I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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