tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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