SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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