I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
did i just pee glitter
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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