At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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