I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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