her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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