Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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