i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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