Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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