every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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