How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
