Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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