My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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