Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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