I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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