When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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