Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
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Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This is my gift to your gina
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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