Welp...herpes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize