Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize