Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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