I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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