His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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