I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
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it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
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I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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