SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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