Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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