i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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