I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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