I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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