if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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