dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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