By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
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she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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