your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
