I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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