How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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