dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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