brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
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This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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