i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize