Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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