Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize