Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
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I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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