Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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