You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i think my cat just said my name.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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