i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
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i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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