I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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