I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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