She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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