Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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