I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize