nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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